Carolyn Said-San Fransico Chronicle
Americans love bully bosses, to judge by popular culture. Tyrants such as Machiavellian Miranda in "The Devil Wears Prada," clueless Michael in "The Office" and vicious Simon on "American Idol" elicit guffaws, gasps of recognition and relief that they're picking on someone else. But, in real life, people who've been bullied at their jobs say it is no laughing matter. Continuing harassment in the pressure-cooker environment of the workplace can have serious professional consequences and cause a range of physical and psychological health problems for victims, according to a range of studies.
Workplace bullying involves repeated verbal abuse, aggressive behavior, sabotage, humiliation or intimidation. It's so commonplace that 1 in 6 Americans reports having been bullied at work, according to a study by Michigan's Wayne State University. In some studies, almost half of workers say they were bullied at one point in their career."It's a silent epidemic," said Gary Namie, a social psychologist and founder of the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute in Bellingham, Wash.
Now a movement to curb workplace bullying is gathering steam, with grassroots groups forming across the country and legislation introduced in 11 states during the past four years, although no anti-bullying bills have yet passed in any of them. The proposed laws would not outlaw workplace bullying but would ask employers to correct and prevent abuses, and give victims the right to sue for limited damages.
Currently, victims of bullying don't have legal recourse, unless they can prove the abuse was related to a "protected status," such as race or gender. Anti-bullying advocates liken their crusade to those against schoolyard bullying and domestic violence. But employers oppose the legislation, calling it an invitation to frivolous lawsuits. And some people point out that the line between someone who is a legitimate victim of workplace bullying and a disgruntled worker can be difficult to determine.
William Lepowski, a mathematics instructor at Laney College in Oakland, experienced workplace bullying firsthand several years ago. A Laney administrator accused Lepowski of improperly selling a statistics textbook he had written to students and faculty. After asking the administrator for clarification, he found himself reported to human resources for not following proper procedures. Despite an investigation that cleared him of wrongdoing, his professionalism was questioned and he was threatened with termination. He was even accused of harassing the administrator who had floated the initial allegation."Once people start slinging mud, mud tends to stick," he said."It was a hellish ordeal. I was living all of a sudden in an Alice-in-Wonderland nonsense world where logic is ignored. There was no due process, no justice." With a 33-year tenure at the school and his reputation at stake, he decided to fight back. He went public with the charges against him, even though it was stressful to reveal such derogatory accusations. He mustered support from colleagues in the math department, who passed a resolution asking for an investigation of the charges against him. It took almost a year but eventually Lepowski won full exoneration. He never found out the motive of the administrator who had started the campaign against him, but that person wrote a letter retracting all the accusations.
The Peralta Community College District, Laney's governing body, apologized for the stress Lepowski had been subject to. The incident helped prompt the district to adopt an anti-bullying policy in 2004, making it the first public institution in California to do so. It has also held anti-bullying workshops. But Lepowski's vindication was unusual. More often than not, victims of bullying pay with their jobs to make the practice stop. A 2003 study by Namie's institute found that 37 percent of victims were fired, 33 percent quit and 17 percent were transferred. The bullies were punished in only 4 percent of the cases, while they were transferred in 9 percent."Organizations are loath to admit this is a problem," he said. That's what the proposed laws want to address.
California was the first state to consider a "healthy workplace" bill, in 2003, introduced by Assembly members Paul Koretz (D-West Hollywood) and Gloria Negrete McLeod (D-Chino). The bill, which would have allowed victims of bullying to sue for up to $25,000 and request that a bully be reassigned, ended up dying in committee. A grassroots Sacramento lobbying group called Healthy Workplace Advocates hopes to get another version introduced, but may have to wait until after Arnold Schwarzenegger is no longer governor, according to Michelle Smith, co-founder of the group. The governor might be reluctant to sign a bill imposing more mandates on businesses, she said.
The group is staffed by ardent volunteers, themselves the victims of workplace bullying. It has spawned chapters in San Francisco and Southern California. Montana, New Jersey and Oklahoma all will consider anti-bullying legislation this year, according to Namie, whose institute provides support for groups pushing such laws. Other states, including New York, Kansas, Missouri, Massachusetts, Hawaii, Washington and Oregon, have introduced similar bills in the past two years, without passing them."Once legislation catches on in one state, it starts to snowball through states until it hits the federal level," said Carrie Clark, another co-founder of California's Healthy Workplace Advocates.
Any anti-bullying bill is likely to face strong opposition from employers."It looks like just another sue-your-boss bill, opening up a whole new category for lawsuits that trial attorneys can plaintiff-shop for and then bring suits against employers for damages," said Vincent Sollitto, a spokesman for the California Chamber of Commerce, reacting to the 2003 California bill."It clearly will be harmful to the employer community." Anti-bullying advocates counter that similar laws exist in Australia, England, France, Germany, Sweden, Switzerland and Canada's Quebec province and have not caused a flood of lawsuits."The healthy workplace bill is not intended to rule out incivility or rudeness or belching or glares. It's only to prohibit health-harming, career-disruptive abusive treatment – severe stuff, the worst of bullying cases," Namie said. Why don't companies crack down on bullying? Many say they believe managers are simply taking "get-tough" attitudes to whip slackers into shape. And they're conditioned to support managers over rank-and-file workers.
Seventy percent of workplace bullying is done by bosses, Namie said."If you're going to be a petty tyrant, you've got to have title power." Stronger curbs on bullying would benefit companies, as well as victims, Namie said. That's because bullying hurts the bottom line through lost productivity, low morale, departure of experienced workers, and higher health care costs for stressed-out victims."In America, if you say it doesn't exist, you can keep your head in the sand," he said."We're in total denial while (bullying) is ripping people's lives and health to shreds."
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Learning to Manage Anger
Many people have difficulty managing their angry feelings. This can lead to difficulties in their relationships with others and can even result in acts of aggression and physical violence. Needless to say this can often cause many more problems than it solves, even though aggression or violence can sometimes make us feel better in the short term. Unhealthy anger often makes bad situations worse.
Before we begin learning how to manage anger let's think about what causes it - where anger comes from. If we understand what anger is, how it begins and the part we play in our angry feelings we'll be much better equipped to deal with unacceptable anger.
Anger is the result of two main factors. The first has to do with the physiological changes we experience in the body - the physiology of anger. This is exactly the same as the physiology of stress or anxiety - it's only our thinking which makes the difference.
The second factor is concerned with our thoughts and expectations, the way we think about and interpret the situation. The messages which we tell ourselves determine our response. This is the psychology of anger. The way we appraise (see) our environment at any given time is important in determining how we respond emotionally. If we appraise a situation positively, our response will be positive. Two people can appraise the same situation differently. Our feelings are very different. Our feelings are very personal and do not follow rules of logic. We can appraise the same situation differently at different times based on our feelings, level of stress and clarity of thought, and consequently respond differently. For example if we an adult hit a child and believe him to be right in doing so we probably won't get angry. On the other hand if we believe that he is being unfair or abusive we may well become very angry indeed at the thought. It isn't what happens which makes us angry so much as the way we think about what happens.
Many mental health providers would argue that all anger begins with blame. We get angry at something. It isn't always easy to work out exactly what we're angry at but that doesn't mean it isn't there. Usually the focus of our anger is obvious but in some cases it takes a little work to find the exact root of our angry feelings.
Blame can be divided into three main categories. To put it another way there are three main areas in which we can apply blame. These are:
1. Self blame
This type of blame not only leads to anger but also depression and a range of self-destructive behaviors including heart attacks and strokes.
2. Blaming others
This type of blame can result in many forms of anger as well as a wide range of relationship difficulties. It may also lead to person-directed aggression and violence.
3 Blaming the 'system'
By the 'system' we mean anything bigger than ourselves, from the laws of nature to the legal system. It can be something as simple as the weather we get angry about, blaming the clouds for raining on us when they ought to have made way for the sun. Remember that word ought, it's one of a group of words such as should or must which we call imperatives. Without imperatives there can be no blame and without blame anger cannot exist.
How to manage stress
Simplistic, fast, easy solutions to managing anger rarely are successful. The way one responds to stress, anger and anxiety is learned from families of origin. Anger is a secondary emotion. Almost always anger is preceded by frustration, stress, anxiety our depression. Therefore, learning to manage anger must be approached in a very structured manner with the help of a trained, certified anger management facilitator.
Anger is a normal human emotion rather than a pathological condition. Anger is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM IV) as a treatable illness. Therefore, counseling and/or psychotherapy is not the most effective response to unhealthy anger. Rather, an assessment at intake which measures the participant's level of functioning in recognizing and managing anger, stress, communication and emotional intelligence should be provider. The results of this assessment should determine the emphasis of the anger management classes which are designed to teach skills in managing anger, stress, communication and emotional intelligence.
To find a Certified Anger Management Provider in your area, visit the website of the American Association of Anger Management Providers at www.aaamp.org or The Anger Management Resource Directory at www.anger-management-resources.org.
George Anderson, MSW, BCD, CAMF
Before we begin learning how to manage anger let's think about what causes it - where anger comes from. If we understand what anger is, how it begins and the part we play in our angry feelings we'll be much better equipped to deal with unacceptable anger.
Anger is the result of two main factors. The first has to do with the physiological changes we experience in the body - the physiology of anger. This is exactly the same as the physiology of stress or anxiety - it's only our thinking which makes the difference.
The second factor is concerned with our thoughts and expectations, the way we think about and interpret the situation. The messages which we tell ourselves determine our response. This is the psychology of anger. The way we appraise (see) our environment at any given time is important in determining how we respond emotionally. If we appraise a situation positively, our response will be positive. Two people can appraise the same situation differently. Our feelings are very different. Our feelings are very personal and do not follow rules of logic. We can appraise the same situation differently at different times based on our feelings, level of stress and clarity of thought, and consequently respond differently. For example if we an adult hit a child and believe him to be right in doing so we probably won't get angry. On the other hand if we believe that he is being unfair or abusive we may well become very angry indeed at the thought. It isn't what happens which makes us angry so much as the way we think about what happens.
Many mental health providers would argue that all anger begins with blame. We get angry at something. It isn't always easy to work out exactly what we're angry at but that doesn't mean it isn't there. Usually the focus of our anger is obvious but in some cases it takes a little work to find the exact root of our angry feelings.
Blame can be divided into three main categories. To put it another way there are three main areas in which we can apply blame. These are:
1. Self blame
This type of blame not only leads to anger but also depression and a range of self-destructive behaviors including heart attacks and strokes.
2. Blaming others
This type of blame can result in many forms of anger as well as a wide range of relationship difficulties. It may also lead to person-directed aggression and violence.
3 Blaming the 'system'
By the 'system' we mean anything bigger than ourselves, from the laws of nature to the legal system. It can be something as simple as the weather we get angry about, blaming the clouds for raining on us when they ought to have made way for the sun. Remember that word ought, it's one of a group of words such as should or must which we call imperatives. Without imperatives there can be no blame and without blame anger cannot exist.
How to manage stress
Simplistic, fast, easy solutions to managing anger rarely are successful. The way one responds to stress, anger and anxiety is learned from families of origin. Anger is a secondary emotion. Almost always anger is preceded by frustration, stress, anxiety our depression. Therefore, learning to manage anger must be approached in a very structured manner with the help of a trained, certified anger management facilitator.
Anger is a normal human emotion rather than a pathological condition. Anger is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM IV) as a treatable illness. Therefore, counseling and/or psychotherapy is not the most effective response to unhealthy anger. Rather, an assessment at intake which measures the participant's level of functioning in recognizing and managing anger, stress, communication and emotional intelligence should be provider. The results of this assessment should determine the emphasis of the anger management classes which are designed to teach skills in managing anger, stress, communication and emotional intelligence.
To find a Certified Anger Management Provider in your area, visit the website of the American Association of Anger Management Providers at www.aaamp.org or The Anger Management Resource Directory at www.anger-management-resources.org.
George Anderson, MSW, BCD, CAMF
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Anger Resolution Cuts Use of Jail Beds
Anger resolution cuts use of jail beds
California: Corrections Digest
Alternative sentencing, Behavior modification, Anger California
An advisory committee of the Judicial Council of California has begun review of court-mandated anger management sentences as an alternative to incarceration. The state introduced anger resolution five years ago to deal with domestic violence, but courts have expanded its use for other criminal offenses, public nuisance cases and traffic violations. Some judges see anger resolution as a better alternative than jail for first-time offenders convicted in bar brawls or fistfights with fellow motorists. Those judges say classes can help teach defendants how to keep their emotions in check, as well as ease crowded jails and clogged court calendars. Defendants are typically sentenced to from 10 to 52 weekly classes as a condition of probation or as an alternative to time behind bars.
California: Corrections Digest
Alternative sentencing, Behavior modification, Anger California
An advisory committee of the Judicial Council of California has begun review of court-mandated anger management sentences as an alternative to incarceration. The state introduced anger resolution five years ago to deal with domestic violence, but courts have expanded its use for other criminal offenses, public nuisance cases and traffic violations. Some judges see anger resolution as a better alternative than jail for first-time offenders convicted in bar brawls or fistfights with fellow motorists. Those judges say classes can help teach defendants how to keep their emotions in check, as well as ease crowded jails and clogged court calendars. Defendants are typically sentenced to from 10 to 52 weekly classes as a condition of probation or as an alternative to time behind bars.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Five Principles for Happienss in 2007
The Automatic Millionaireby David Bach
Five Principles for Happiness in 2007
by David Bach
The arrival of the new year marks a symbolic time for fresh starts. Many of us take it as an opportunity to set goals, contemplate decisions, and renew commitments. It's special because of the revitalized sense of hope it brings.
Before you make your New Year's resolutions for 2007, I'd like to share some thoughts about how it's never too late to start living a rich life.
The Live Rich Factor
Most people believe that if they just had more money, the things that make them unhappy would disappear and their lives would be better. The truth is that your life can be better without more money. It can be better today, but you need to make some decisions and take some actions.
You don't need me to tell you what will make you happy -- only you know that truth.
I believe each of us has the power to discover our purpose and become joyful in the process of journeying toward that purpose. It's not easy, however. Nothing important and meaningful ever is.
What you need to do is create what I call the "Live Rich Factor" in your life. I call it this because those who find the purpose that leads them to joy are truly the luckiest people in the world, because they're living richly.
There are five basic principles involved in creating your Live Rich Factor:
Principle 1: Give Yourself a Break
We all tell ourselves the story of the one that got away. You can't move forward if you spend time focusing on what you shoulda-woulda-coulda done in 2006 or before. It's over, and its time to move on. The fastest way I know to do this is to write all of your regrets down on paper.
Make a list of all your personal and financial if-onlys. For example, "If only I had saved more money. If only I hadn't quit that job. If only I hadn't taken the job I have." You get the idea.
After reading the list aloud to yourself, get rid of it. Let it all go by literally burning the list (safely). Now you're ready for a fresh start in 2007 -- a new beginning.
Principle 2: Get Connected with Your Truth
The hardest thing to do is be honest with yourself. Asking yourself some key questions will lead you to some amazing discoveries, and possibly motivate you to do what it takes to create the life you envision for yourself.
I suggest writing your (honest) answers to the following questions in a new journal for the new year:
What makes you happy at work?
What makes you happy at home?
What makes you happy with your friends and family?
What makes you happy when you're by yourself?
What do you love to do?
What would you do with your life today if you weren't afraid of failure?
What's not working in your life?
What are you currently doing that prevents you from experiencing joy?
What's working in your life?
Who's not working in your life?
Who in your life is subtracting value from and adding misery to it?
Can you fix any of these relationships, or should you let them go from your life?
What relationships are working in your life?
If we were getting together one year from today, what would have to happen for you to be able to tell me that you now have more joy in your life?
What's the single most important thing you've learned about yourself as a result of answering these questions?
You'll find that by putting your answers down on paper, they'll become clear more quickly and the actions you need to take more obvious and easier to initiate.
Principle 3: Stop Judging Yourself
Be nicer to yourself in 2007. Many people talk to themselves in a way they would never accept from a stranger, friend, or loved one. If this describes you, try stopping the negative conversations you have with yourself immediately.
For one week, simply commit to saying "stop it" when you think a negative thought about yourself. If you're in the habit of saying negative things to yourself, you'll find this is one of the most difficult exercises you'll ever do. Carry a notepad with you and make a mark each time you catch yourself thinking negatively. You'll find that as the days go by, your negative thinking can quickly be reduced.
Principle 4: Stop Judging Others
It's hard to be joyful when you're always judging others. In fact, it's close to impossible. Judging others creates a huge amount of stress in our lives. It affects our marriages and our relationships with our kids as well as the way we relate to friends, co-workers, and society in general.
We're not here to judge one another.
The next time you find yourself upset at someone or some situation, catch yourself and ask, "Are you judging?" Judging others is often an unconscious habit. But it's a habit that can be changed the moment you decide to stop doing it.
Principle 5 : Pursue Fun with a Vengeance
It's OK to pursue fun. It's what children do. My greatest joy these days is the simple pleasure of playing with my three-year-old son, Jack.
This holiday season with Jack taught me the simple power of pursuing fun -- again and again. What was fun for Jack this Christmas? It turns out it wasn't the Big Wheel that my wife, Michelle, and I stayed up so late building on Christmas Eve. And it wasn't the Star Wars Lego toy (although he was pretty excited about that).
Instead, what Jack found the most fun was a new game I made up to keep him entertained. The game was called Geronimo -- and it involved Jack jumping from the bed onto a stack of pillows yelling "Geronimo!" This silly little game ended up bringing us both hours of fun. The price of the game: nothing. The fun: priceless. And the laughs? Endless.
Why do we stop pursing fun as we get older? Fun shouldn't be squeezed into a few weeks of vacation each year. And it shouldn't be squeezed into the last chapter of your life when you "get to" retire. Fun deserves to be a part of your life now -- in 2007.
But fun doesn't just happen. You have to make it a priority in your life or it'll go missing. Life's too short to not have it.
So here's to a fun, happy, and healthy New Year. Cheers!
Five Principles for Happiness in 2007
by David Bach
The arrival of the new year marks a symbolic time for fresh starts. Many of us take it as an opportunity to set goals, contemplate decisions, and renew commitments. It's special because of the revitalized sense of hope it brings.
Before you make your New Year's resolutions for 2007, I'd like to share some thoughts about how it's never too late to start living a rich life.
The Live Rich Factor
Most people believe that if they just had more money, the things that make them unhappy would disappear and their lives would be better. The truth is that your life can be better without more money. It can be better today, but you need to make some decisions and take some actions.
You don't need me to tell you what will make you happy -- only you know that truth.
I believe each of us has the power to discover our purpose and become joyful in the process of journeying toward that purpose. It's not easy, however. Nothing important and meaningful ever is.
What you need to do is create what I call the "Live Rich Factor" in your life. I call it this because those who find the purpose that leads them to joy are truly the luckiest people in the world, because they're living richly.
There are five basic principles involved in creating your Live Rich Factor:
Principle 1: Give Yourself a Break
We all tell ourselves the story of the one that got away. You can't move forward if you spend time focusing on what you shoulda-woulda-coulda done in 2006 or before. It's over, and its time to move on. The fastest way I know to do this is to write all of your regrets down on paper.
Make a list of all your personal and financial if-onlys. For example, "If only I had saved more money. If only I hadn't quit that job. If only I hadn't taken the job I have." You get the idea.
After reading the list aloud to yourself, get rid of it. Let it all go by literally burning the list (safely). Now you're ready for a fresh start in 2007 -- a new beginning.
Principle 2: Get Connected with Your Truth
The hardest thing to do is be honest with yourself. Asking yourself some key questions will lead you to some amazing discoveries, and possibly motivate you to do what it takes to create the life you envision for yourself.
I suggest writing your (honest) answers to the following questions in a new journal for the new year:
What makes you happy at work?
What makes you happy at home?
What makes you happy with your friends and family?
What makes you happy when you're by yourself?
What do you love to do?
What would you do with your life today if you weren't afraid of failure?
What's not working in your life?
What are you currently doing that prevents you from experiencing joy?
What's working in your life?
Who's not working in your life?
Who in your life is subtracting value from and adding misery to it?
Can you fix any of these relationships, or should you let them go from your life?
What relationships are working in your life?
If we were getting together one year from today, what would have to happen for you to be able to tell me that you now have more joy in your life?
What's the single most important thing you've learned about yourself as a result of answering these questions?
You'll find that by putting your answers down on paper, they'll become clear more quickly and the actions you need to take more obvious and easier to initiate.
Principle 3: Stop Judging Yourself
Be nicer to yourself in 2007. Many people talk to themselves in a way they would never accept from a stranger, friend, or loved one. If this describes you, try stopping the negative conversations you have with yourself immediately.
For one week, simply commit to saying "stop it" when you think a negative thought about yourself. If you're in the habit of saying negative things to yourself, you'll find this is one of the most difficult exercises you'll ever do. Carry a notepad with you and make a mark each time you catch yourself thinking negatively. You'll find that as the days go by, your negative thinking can quickly be reduced.
Principle 4: Stop Judging Others
It's hard to be joyful when you're always judging others. In fact, it's close to impossible. Judging others creates a huge amount of stress in our lives. It affects our marriages and our relationships with our kids as well as the way we relate to friends, co-workers, and society in general.
We're not here to judge one another.
The next time you find yourself upset at someone or some situation, catch yourself and ask, "Are you judging?" Judging others is often an unconscious habit. But it's a habit that can be changed the moment you decide to stop doing it.
Principle 5 : Pursue Fun with a Vengeance
It's OK to pursue fun. It's what children do. My greatest joy these days is the simple pleasure of playing with my three-year-old son, Jack.
This holiday season with Jack taught me the simple power of pursuing fun -- again and again. What was fun for Jack this Christmas? It turns out it wasn't the Big Wheel that my wife, Michelle, and I stayed up so late building on Christmas Eve. And it wasn't the Star Wars Lego toy (although he was pretty excited about that).
Instead, what Jack found the most fun was a new game I made up to keep him entertained. The game was called Geronimo -- and it involved Jack jumping from the bed onto a stack of pillows yelling "Geronimo!" This silly little game ended up bringing us both hours of fun. The price of the game: nothing. The fun: priceless. And the laughs? Endless.
Why do we stop pursing fun as we get older? Fun shouldn't be squeezed into a few weeks of vacation each year. And it shouldn't be squeezed into the last chapter of your life when you "get to" retire. Fun deserves to be a part of your life now -- in 2007.
But fun doesn't just happen. You have to make it a priority in your life or it'll go missing. Life's too short to not have it.
So here's to a fun, happy, and healthy New Year. Cheers!
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