Better Communication with the ones we Love

As we approach Valentine’s Day we are reminded of the people in our lives that we love. This Valentine’s Day think about how you communicate with the people in your life that are important to you. Many times we will take for granted that these people will forgive us every time we get angry or speak in a destructive manner. In our intimate relationships our words can damage our relationships when we let destructive communication actions in the way.

When we use absolute words like “you never”, “why do you always do that?” “I don’t want to talk about it”, or, “I told you so” can create more problems in a relationship. Instead when we take responsibility for our own actions and communicate our feelings effectively we can help our partner understand what really is going on. Some more helpful words would include; “Please help me”, “I am sorry”, “Help me understand”, “How can I help?” “I Love you.” These are more helpful. Many times we argue about things that are of little importance and because we are communicating effectively.

Please keep in mind when communicating with your partner not to use intimidating, or using harsh language. You have a right to express yourself, however, your partner will have more respect for you when you try to resolve the problem in a constructive manner. Let the obstacles you face together strengthen your relationship not damage it.

In order for communication to be effective, both parties need to be good listeners and should not convince the other of their position. Each person needs to have his or her time to talk without interruption. Good communication also requires compromise, if someone has to win the argument, then somebody has to lose. Than you have lost good communication and have damaged your relationship. No single issue is as important as your overall goal of remaining non-aggressive and non-evasive in your relationship.

So this Valentines day try using more positive communication skills. Make it a goal to improve your relationship over the next year. Start by thinking about the types of communication you are using. Is it negative or positive? Are you really listening? How can you be communicating more effectively? Try bring people up not down. Your partner and loved ones cannot be replaced.

Enrolling in an Anger Management Class can also assist with improving communication skills. For more information on our classes please visit our website at www.positivesolutions.org