Is your anger reactive or active?

Anger is a natural and normal emotion that each of us has. At times I will meet someone that says that they have never gotten angry. That is usually not the case. We as human beings simply display our anger in different ways. Usually we learn how to handle our anger from our parents. It is a learned behavior.

There are several ways that anger is displayed differently. To make it in the simplest form anger can be turned outward or anger can be turned inward. For example, someone who tends to usually turn anger outward may have dominating personality, will verbalize their anger, show hostility, swear, and may damage property. An example of someone that usually turns anger inward will feel upset (but not talk about it), have low self-esteem, feel depressed, and have issues with substance abuse.

Developing a pattern of internalizing and not expressing your anger may actually lead to explosive outbursts of violence, like a pressure cooker effect. Unexpressed anger can create problems that lead to unhealthy expressions of anger such as getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them in person or appearing hostile and cynical. People who are constantly criticizing everything and making negative comments have not learned how to constructively expressed their anger. Not surprisingly, those people are not likely to have many successful relationships.

Internalizing anger can be damaging to your health. It can raise your blood pressure and lead to substance abuse issues. These are only a couple of ways that internalized anger can damage your health. In addition, mental health issues can also arise with higher rates of depression as well as other personality disorders.

Learning to communicate effectively can reduce the anger and help you become more constructive in solving the problem. Consider asking yourself next time your angry some of these questions; Why does this bother me so much?, What need do I have that is not being met?, What principles of mine have been violated?, etc. Next look at your options simply being aware that you have many options and that you can decide to pick the best one helps reduce the anger. This technique can help you with taking an “active role” in solving the problem instead of a “reactive” approach to the anger.

For more information on improving your anger and communication please visit our website at http://www.positivesolutions.org/ we offer weekly classes, one on one anger management coaching, and workshops.

Karina Narduzzi B.A., C.A.M.F.
Positive Solutions Anger Management and Executive Coaching